Tuesday, February 27, 2007

It Looks Like Spit...

I tried to explain the old "it looks like spit but it's (s)not" joke to Megan -- our six year old -- the other day, but it didn't take. It probably came about because I had just wiped our seven-month old, Sarah's nose for the twelfth time in the last 30 seconds.

It's been traded back and forth among the four of us, that I can't remember how it started. This is a fun time of year isn't it?

Sarah has it the worst right now. She started with some sniffles a couple of weeks ago. That turned into an ear infection. She never tugged at the ear, or showed any signs of discomfort, so it was virtually impossible to detect it. The doctor caught it fairly quickly and got her on some medication.

A few days passed, she was getting better, and got a fairly clean bill of health from the doc when we went for a follow-up. Then a day or so later, she started again with the sniffles, sneezes, and all that other fun gooey stuff. Another trip to the doc a day or so after that, and at least her ears were fine. More meds.

Then the cough started. Back to the doc. You can never be too careful with a seven-month old. Doctor said Sarah's chest was fine. I thought that was an inappropriate comment to make about a baby, then I realized she was talking about her congestion. We were told to only come back if the cough got worse.

Which, of course, it did.

The next day Sarah was diagnosed with R.S.V. which translates to really bad congestion. Now we give her breathing treatments every 4-6 hours. Those are fun. Actually Sarah likes it. It must be working, too, because she just sits on one of our laps, lets the mask sit against her face while she breathes in the medicine.

It helps break up the gunk in her chest, then afterwards she's able to get a few productive coughs, and she's fine.

She's been a trooper through this whole bout with the cold. Imagine having a cold where you aren't able to blow your nose, or cough out any phlegm. Unimaginable, isn't it?

Sarah was getting some relief though, as we use the aspirator to suction out the goo from her nose whenever it's needed. I've never seen so much gunk before.

Hopefully this won't end up being a chronic thing. The less often snot is a topic for conversation, or play-on-word jokes, the better.

In the meantime, I need to find a more understandable joke for Megan.

How about this one: Where do children learn their ABC's ? At LMN-tary school !

Hmmm, on second thought --

You see, Megan, snot and spit kind of look the same.

And, "it's snot" and "it's not" sound the same...

Monday, February 26, 2007

My Blog Is (Line) Spacing Out

I recently switched to the new format for Blogger, and had to reload my fonts, colors, etc. For some reason, some of the spacing in several of my older posts is all screwy. Hate when that happens.

The change does make it easier to upload photos, and arrange different page elements. But the messed up line spacing thing is an eyesore.

Since I can't figure out how to fix it, the next best option is to make more posts, thus, pushing the affected entries onto the next page.

So, here's a rather engaging collection of pool trick shots. Some really good ones after the 2:00 mark.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Britney auditioning for role of Vic Mackey?

Okay, so who had February 21st in the "Britney Spears flips out at a photographer and dents their truck with an umbrella" pool?

Step forward, you're a winner.

It was a few seconds after this latest bizarre behavior that Spears checked herself into rehab -- for the third time this week.

More pictures of Britney's impressive two-handed backhand, can be found here.

Thursday, February 22, 2007


Fans of Heroes should enjoy this parody. I could be a part of this group. Have you ever heard my armpit farts?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

You Don't Know Jack

Remember the CD-Rom trivia game You Don't Know Jack that was pretty popular a few years back? Well, you can play an online version of it here.

I was going to embed it into the blog, but the game's pre-set dimensions would have blown the dimensions of this blog to shreds, and I can't resize it so that it will fit properly.

The game is still pretty addicting, features snarky dialogue and cool sound effects, and it updates with a fresh "test" daily. There's also the option to play games from previous days.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

She's BALD, Jerry!

Are they casting a remake of G.I. Jane? Did Britney get the lead role in an upcoming Sinead O'Connor biopic? Did she just join the park district swimming team and need an aerodynamic 'do?

There must be a reasonable explanation, right?

Hmmm, given Britney Spears' recent behavior, who knows what's going on inside her (chrome) dome these days.

Imagine, with Britney out all night partying with the likes of Paris Hilton, looking drunk and disoriented in just about every picture we've seen of her in the last few months, reportedly in-and-out of rehab within a 24 hour span, and now this, Kevin Federline's future career actually looks like the better bet right now.

And maybe the story behind the head shave is simpler then we think, and even a little different than Britney saying, "I don't want anyone touching me. I'm tired of everyone touching me."

Here's my theory -- after revealing to the world certain facts about herself in those recent photos of Spears exiting vehicles, maybe she simply was ready for the (lack of) carpet to match the (current lack of) drapes.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Movies On The Go

I can't remember the last time I sat down to watch a full-length feature film, at home, or in the theater. It's next to impossible to find the time given the responsibilities of having two small children at home. Most of the movies I like are filled with salty language, or moderate levels of violence, or generous amounts of nudity.

Of course, a good movie has all three.

So, if I'm sitting down to watch a movie, the kiddies usually need to be in bed. Problem is, by the time the kids are in bed, I'm ready to hit the sack myself. With the hours I keep, I'm usually in bed by nine o'clock. Sad, I know. Doing the morning show means I have to wake up while the rooster is still in deep REM sleep.

Point being, maybe you're in the same boat as me -- no time to watch a full movie -- and would love a solution that would still allow you to enjoy some of Hollywood's finest.

I may have found it.

I present to you "Movies In 5 Seconds"...


The Lion King


Star Wars

The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring

Monday, February 12, 2007

Odds and Ends

Here are a few things on my mind that I've gathered up and lumped into one post...
  • To me, there are only three award shows in the entertainment industry: The Grammys, The Academy Awards, and The Emmys. Sunday night proved, yet again, why The Grammys is by far the best awards show out there -- and one of the only ones I'll bother to watch -- the performances. Whether it's The Police, Beyonce, or a collaboration with John Mayer, John Legend, and Corinne Bailey Rae, you just don't get anything comparable on the other shows. At The Emmys for example, you don't see the cast of The Office onstage acting out a scene from "A Benihana Christmas."
  • Can someone explain to me why American Idol airs after Bones on Wednesday nights? This makes no sense. Idol airs at 7pm on Tuesday nights, so why not at 7pm on Wednesday nights? Idol is much more family-friendly than Bones. My daughter goes to bed at 8pm, and she loves to watch Idol, but she gets chortchanged on Wednesdays. Plus, don't you think Fox would want Bones to run after Idol, in hopes of bringing some of Idol's huge audience over to that show? Am I making too much sense?
  • Kudos to Paul McCrane, who just finished his run portraying Jack Bauer's brother Graem on 24. He was wonderfully agitating on ER as Dr. Romano, and although the twist of Graem being Jack's brother was a bit hard to fathom (even for 24), he was equally detestable in that role as well. Loved the torture scene with Jack. McCrane has entered my unofficial TV Slimeball Hall Of Fame.
  • I always forget just how good Pringles are until I have one.
  • Wackiest -- yet oddly plausible -- theory behind the Anna Nicole Smith death...the real father of her baby, is her recently deceased son, Daniel. The pending paternity test was too much for her to handle because she knew who the real father was, so she checked out.
  • I'll let that last one marinate for a few seconds before I go on.
  • Valentine's Day is almost here. If you're planning on serenading your loved one, try to avoid these Top 10 Least Romantic Lyrics Of All-Time.
  • Tiger Woods' eight consecutive tournament winning streak is impressive, don't get me wrong, but it would be a lot more impressive if it came in eight consecutive weeks, not just when he decides to show up.
  • Speaking of sports, it seems that Barry Bonds is upset now that details of his pending contract with the Giants has leaked to the press. You know, the one that says the Giants can terminate his contract if he is indicted on federal perjury or tax-evasion charges. Barry, who cares if that info is leaked? Giants fans, and baseball fans in general, should be pleased to know that the Giants are protecting their steroid-injection-needle-free hindquarters in the event that you run into legal trouble. What the Giants should do now is rip up the contract and tell that dope to get lost.
  • Today's nominee for Person With Too Much Time (and sweat) On Their Hands...this guy hand-farts music from the Mario Brothers video games.
  • Here's the latest distrubing story involving someone inside the costume at Disney World. "The Most Magical Place On Earth", huh? Hold the magic. I'd settle for a place where Tigger isn't allegedly punching kids, or allegedly molesting a 13-year old girl. Granted, the "punch" didn't really seem like a punch at all, and the man inside the Tigger costume in the molestation trial was found not guilty, but still.
  • I still don't get it. The K-Fed Super Bowl ad was one of the better ones that I saw during the game last week, but it has apparently angered fast food workers for the way they are portrayed. Huh? Isn't the comeercial mocking K-Fed? Same deal with the Snickers ad that is causing such a controversy. Please. Can't everyone just lighten up for a change. If viewers of the Super Bowl were to get mad at something offensive, it should have been the play of Rex Grossman at quarterback.
'Til next time...

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Aqua Teen ad campaign bombs

The latest development in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force ad campaign gone awry, is the "resignation" of Jim Samples, the Cartoon Network general manager and executive vice president.

In an email sent to his former employees, Samples said, "I feel compelled to step down effective immediately, in recognition of the gravity of the situation that occured under my watch."

I guess I should make sure that Megan doesn't play with her Lite Brite in public anytime soon.

In Boston, at least. Wouldn't want to scare anyone.

Here's a well done parody of the situation, using 24 as a backdrop.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Stinging In The Rain

While I was standing in the street outside my brother's house waiting for one of his friends to bring over their car so I could have my car jump started, I began thinking of some of the possible headlines that might appear in the sports sections throughout the state this morning following Super Bowl XLI.


"Bears Loss Is Gross, Man"

"Sloppy Play Rex Title Hopes"

The actual headlines weren't bad...

"Super Bowl Muffle" in the Chicago Tribune, "It Rained On Our Parade" in the Chicago Sun-Times, and "Swoon Over Miami" in the Joliet Herald. (On a related note, one of the best headlines I've seen appeared in the Herald the day after the Bears defeated the Saints in the NFC title game: "XLInt". Excellent, indeed.)

I got a kick out of hearing the postgame shows on the radio while driving home. One host suggested that the Colts didn't win this game, but the Bears lost it. Excuse me? I mean, yes, the Bears made plenty of mistakes, but let me show you some stats...

First Downs: Indy 24, Bears 11
Total Plays: Indy 81, Bears 48
Total Yards: Indy 430, Bears 265
Turnovers: Indy 3, Bears 5
Third Downs: Indy 8-18, Bears 3-10
Rushing Yards: Indy 191, Bears 111
Time of Possesion: Indy 38:04, Bears 21:56
Points scored by Bears after 1st quarter: 3

That my friends, is a butt-whipping. The Bears are fortunate it wasn't 39-17, or worse.

As far as the commercials, you can view all of them here.

There were a few good ones. I liked the one below, which was one of the first ones of the game.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Groundhog Day

As good as Groundhog Day is -- and it's excellent -- it's fun to imagine it as a horror film...

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Super, Dave: Letterman's 25th Anniversary

Wow, it's hard to believe David Letterman has been doing late night television for 25 years. He's the gold standard. His work on NBC is what most hardcore fans remember most, as it was fresh, fun, silly, and groundbreaking (watermelon breaking, too).

His CBS work has been good as well, but it's hard to top those early days. I miss Larry "Bud" Melman.

Happy 25th, Dave!

Here is a montage of clips from his NBC days.