I Dream Of Cameron

I've always been fascinated with dreams. Usually, it's the small, silly stuff in dreams that intrigue me most. We've all had strange dreams before, but isn't it the minor throwaway details that always have you wondering the next morning, "what was the significance of that?"

For example, I had a dream years ago that included me having to urinate. The strange thing was, it happened in a long hallway, in the open, with urinals lined up along one wall. As I got to the urinal, i was only able to reach it if I stood on my tippy-toes. What did that mean? I prefer to think it was just some randon quirk of the dream, and not some sort of indication of "shortcomings" in my manhood.

I think the only reason I'm posting about my dream that featured Cameron Diaz from the other night is so that I have an excuse to get some pictures of her on the blog. I've always had a thing for her. Cute as hell, great body, funny, and she just seems like she'd be a great chick to have a beer with. She wouldn't roll her eyes if you told her you wanted to go to a bar and watch the game. She'd throw on a cap or jersey of the team you root for and go with you.

Plus, she's one of the few women that can wear her hair real short and make it work. It doesn't work for everyone. What's the percentage of good looking women with long hair that would remain as attractive if they got it cut real short? 10%? 20%? 3%? I think Diaz's hair almost looks better short. That's saying a lot.

But enough fawning.

The dream consisted of Cameron, me, my brother, and a group of other people that I don't remember at someone's house. We were all asleep, and it was almost daylight. Just then, I heard some thunder as a storm started to move in. I got out of bed and walked over to a couch near the window. Also joining me on the couch, Cameron Diaz.

Now, I wasn't surprised to see her. In the dream, I guess I knew she was there all along, but at the same time, I was a bit star-struck. As we both looked out at the incoming storm, she seemed concerned, so I held her hand. She didn't object, and all of a sudden I'm thinking, "I'm holding hands with Cameron-frikkin-Diaz!"

I pointed to the sky and a really dark cloud that was producing visible rainfall. As it approached -- and this is where the dream really turneded a bit bizarre -- the bottoms of the clouds started to change shape, and emerging from the clouds were several jet planes.

The planes started dive bombing the ground nearby. It was odd that they were doing that to begin with, but even more odd that they weren't targeting anyone. THey were just diving into the ground. A misguided kamikaze assault? Who knew. Hey, it was a dream -- anything goes.

Sensing danger, I turned around and yelled, "Get Down! Get Down!" Cameron and I headed for the floor. It dawned on me that this could be the last few seconds of my life, so I called over to Cameron to come over closer to me, which she did, and we were holding each other. I'm sure she felt safe by my overpowering 5'8", 160 lb. frame.

In fact, I think she's taller than me. Ah, who cared. I was in an embrace with Cameron Diaz!

And yes, I realize my wife is nowhere to be found in this dream, and if you're reading this, honey, remember the rule of dreams, which was stated above...

"Hey it was a dream -- anything goes."

So, the assault of the misguided planes comes to an end, Cameron and I start to get up, and after we looked at each other for a few seconds, she leans in to give me a kiss, before pulling away. I think I countered by saying, "Please?!"

D'oh!

After a few seonds of awkward silence, she asked if I could check on her daughter in the other room. Being a nice guy, I said yes. I guess the fact that she doesn't have a daughter mattered much in the dream. Anything goes.

I checked on her, she was fine. There was a dog in the room -- another random occurence that makes dreams so much fun to analyze.

As I came back to the room with Cameron, more people were now awake and milling about. I sat back down on the couch next to her and said, "that thing that almost happened between us earlier...is that something that could possibly happen in the future?"

She just shook her head "no".

It was at that moment that I woke up. Maybe my mind decided that there was nothing of pleasure left to squeeze out of this dream, so it was wakey wakey time.

After I awoke, I actually spent about 20 seconds thinking to myself, "damnit, I just blew it with Cameron Diaz!"

But then I came to, realized that it was all just a dream, and -- even more foolishly -- thought to myself, "wait a minute, it was just a dream! Cameron doesn't know anything about this! I still may have a chance!"

Of course, this is the internet, and who knows, she may actually read this. If that's the case, maybe I really should say, "please".

Hey, it's a dream. Anything goes, right?